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Monday, June 17, 2013

I Mark My Days (2013).

I am typing this some days before June 17th. In few days’ time, once again, it will be my birthday. And I will become retrospective. My mind will wander on end about so many things. Once more, I may loathe ever growing older. I have always hated this year counting thing called birthday. At a time, I made sure I was always shaven to appear younger. But soon enough, that failed as a disguise style.  Growing old is a demanding business. It makes you number your days on failing dreams and surviving hopes.

Secret desires come true. Those titchy yearnings called private wants decide our fate. I had one and some lesser significant others last year. They all came through. And the ground was almost giving off my feet. I wasn’t prepared for them or basically not well ready for the bigger one that turned out real. The heart matters. I am now being mindful of what I keep in it. Call what the bible says about that cliché. It’s just so, because the truth doesn’t change; out of the heart are the issues deciding your life. Overlook my biblical paraphrase. I only speak what’s true. Desires.

Last year gave me fears. Many things happened. If there was ever anything to be grateful for, they were my fears. I am happy I had them. They pushed me over-board. They had me fighting long enough not to fall. I am still fighting. I am not spent. Fears are humanity precious gifts. Everyone has them. Most times, we ignore their existence, and that’s the basis for our overcoming. My fears.

I am beginning to take my mind off things. But how does one unlearn something to learn a new thing? That’s the arduous task of convenient nonchalance. Some say it is not bothering about so many issues. I think I should take to what they say though. If I don’t, I may grow wrinkles on the temple soon. There are traces already. I would rather say staying flexible soothes. This is not escapism. The problems may still be there. A convenient negligence will allow you think through them. Recently, I have been telling myself; I must live long, worrying too hard is not just a way to go about it. Ignore.

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I still don’t understand this thing. Know there is now someone called N. Attached to N. Positively attached.

Let all my aspirations and dreams fall under this heading. I totter on them. I fear I might fall. Achieving them scares me sore. But I must. That’s the only way my name will be remembered. I am not heroic. I only want a better life. Some of these dreams may fail, others won’t. Nonetheless, every day, I must move on. Ropes.

That’s not an error. I spelt what I meant. Insert a T and your world changes, reenacting a typical Nolllywood flick. Wi(t)ches.  As it is pronounced, I meant Wishes. I had one in 2011 and my system crashed. I had some last year, my world changed (-/+). Be careful of what you wish for on your birthday. Birthday-wishes legend is real. Today, I have another one. It’s in my heart. I have only one wish.

Lord, let my one wish be real. Overlook my excesses. A born-sinner isn’t perfect.

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