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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

As I Continue this Being in my 20s….

My birthday posts on this blog are perhaps the most consistent posts on this blog. I have been absent on this blog for some time now. Yeah, I know. A serious blogger does not behave this way, especially when you want someone or an organization somewhere to take you seriously, and start paying you for what you blog about.

Before I began writing this post, I made a solemn promise. I wanted to make this birthday post different and I decided I was not going to allow anyone read it before publication. Previous ones had at one time or the other been read by people close to me. My girlfriend read last year’s post before its publication. But this year’s is different. Know that everyone who read this did so the same way as you, on this blog. Perhaps what informed my decision was a personal urge that comes with personal feelings and space. I just wanted to keep some personal things, personal.

You know, recently, I have really been thinking. I think mostly anyways. But recently, I have been thinking deeply. The thoughts that always came off this brooding were not what people around me understood. And sometimes, the people you thought might understand always didn’t. In recent times, I have had people who just pretended as if they were listening when what they were really doing was doodling in their minds. 

So, most of those things I couldn’t share with those around me are what I will be touching cursorily in this post. Only cursorily. I can’t afford to reveal much. I don’t blog anonymously you know. Someone once told me I am secretive. I playfully disagreed I was to downplay how right the person was. But meh, I could be secretive.

This comes on the top of my list. I want to be my own man someday, independent from my folks’ support. I want to make my money and cater for my needs. When I marked last year’s birthday, I hoped and prayed that it would happen soon. Along the way, I did some jobs, made businesses happen from random several things and got some money. But these are not dough that make you financially secured. Realities are changing for me. I am not getting younger. And the luxuries I used to have are now been priced. Wait, why do you think I am telling you this gan? Oya, hire me joor.

I am in love. This love confuses most times. I am always thinking about what the other person is thinking. This love is a big piece of job. Whoever says loving is easy? It isn’t easy. It takes some working on. I am still learning to know her.  And it doesn’t help she isn’t emotionally expressive. I become the partner that always has to calculate: what is she thinking? What will she do any moment? How will this and that affect her? But do not let me mislead you, I love this love. I love N.

You know, everything will begin making sense if a paying job comes along now. Now. Everything for me now revolves around money. I am 20 and a big + now. 

Wish me a happy birthday with a job offer.
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