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Monday, July 30, 2012

You Think Your Heart is Broken?

Guest-blogged by Adeola Opeyemi Salau

*For sisters alone and a few guys who dare to peek

Opeyemi (right) and her friends. 

So you think your heart is broken? You think you have been hurt, betrayed and would probably not fall in love again? Oh, please, stop being a drama queen and grow up! Those whose hearts are truly broken are in the chilling room of a morgue.

I know by now you are probably wondering who I am to judge you.


I’ve been there before, I’ve seen Amanda; my roommate of half a decade university sessions cried most nights, and swore to stay off men for life. After two years though, her tears no longer meant anything to me. Oh yes, I did give her a bucket twice or thrice to fill with her tears. I’m not heartless; I just got tired of hearing her curse the generations of men; dead, living and the unborn.

Yes, I’ve seen my elder sisters crumble at Mama’s feet to cry their beautiful eyes to sleep when a man walked out or a cheating husband refused to change his ways. I’ve endured the advices from single aunts and other relatives who felt they were experts on relationship issues and their advices were priceless. I’ve held my younger sister at night while tears of rejection racked her young body and she asked questions I couldn’t answer. And yes, I’ve watched Mama quietly gave all to Papa and shifted for another woman to share her bed.

These are women who have been hurt like you; these are survivors!

So you think I still don’t know how it feels? Well, hear this! I’ve emptied my account for a boy I fancied to take another lady out, I’ve been left stranded on dinner dates, I’ve been cheated on, screamed at, lied to, I’ve been into unrequited love, I’ve buried a lover who doubled as a best friend, I’ve watched myself wasted away pinning for a man who was never coming back. I’ve locked myself up in little public toilets in restaurants and overcrowded hostels and cried myself to semi-coma. Most times, I’ve had to use sunshades because my eyes were too heavy to show the world. Like you, I’ve lied and attributed my swollen eyes to cold or sleepless nights of after-work hours. I’ve had to abandon my favourite albums of Celein Dion, Aaron Neville, Don Williams and Dolly Parton’s Yellow Roses because they reminded me of love and someone that left. I’ve sworn off love, I’ve found myself in the arms of someone who betrayed me often; I’ve been pushed around one time-too-much!

Like you, I’ve been a fool before. I was once a follower of the misquote saying – love is blind!

So sister, grab a stool and come let’s talk.

First, wipe those tears and mucus running into your mouth. So you think your tears will soften him? Breaking news: men don’t like women who whine. Believe me; he doesn’t want to see you crying like a river all the time, that’s meant for gnomes in the jungle!

Wipe those tears; it’s the first step to healing.

If he doesn’t want you anymore, please don’t forget you are a woman, therefore you are priceless. Gather your courage, reapply that smeared mascara, touch those sexy lips with gloss and move on!

Now, don’t snort at me, I know it hurts, but self confidence has been recorded by experts as the best sex appeal anyone can possess.

You don’t believe me?

Ask Robert Greene.

And please, please and please, don’t go looking for water to rinse blood, get a bandage, plaster or a thick clothe to stop the flow. Meaning – don’t go picking a new man immediately, thinking the attention of the new one will heal the emotional wound, naaaahhhhh, it wouldn’t! Give the poor battered heart a break! Relax, take your time and window shop!

Opeyemi in her chilling self
Yes, I mean do a window shopping of the guys-store. Go on simple dates with lot of guys, meet the tall and the short, have lunch with the gallant and the chauvinist, hang out with the model and the bookworm, the politrickcians and the liar, oh, I mean the lawyers. Meet the doctor with the knowing hands and the musician with his seductive lyrics. Get a life, you are not yet dead!

Oh! A tidbit here…

‘Meet’, I say, not ‘Fuck!’

Chill out with friends and family; go to the movies with them; the dance clubs; the comedy shows; lounge around with girlfriends and talk about guys and their miserable lives. Yes, talk about their dirty smelly socks and their disorderliness. Agree with your friends that men can’t do without being jerks, assholes, whatever.

Give the brothers some credits gals; they just can’t help being assholes.

What is a hero without the antagonist and the odds of life?

Okay, so maybe you need to cry a lil’ in the corner of your room; so what? Open the dam and heal your pains but please don’t get used to it. Smile through your tears, it doesn’t mean you are losing it, you are just thinking about how funny some teary scenes would look later in the future when you want to tell the story, and believe me, you will tell the story someday when it stops aching.

But if most of my suggestions sound like Hollywood/Nollywood advices, then this wouldn’t – GET A MAKE OVER!!!

Now I don’t want you to start thinking I mean the dye-your-hair, get-a-manicure kind of makeover. No, sister, Beauty is in the heart, and so does that expensive feeling we call HAPPINESS. Remember, when you are the source of your own happiness, nothing and nobody can take it away from you. Be, your own centre, rule your own life, learn from past drowning experiences and learn how to swim the world, get a life, a career, get a new hobby, make friends who don’t need to fuck you or fuck you up. And pleeeeaaaaasssssseeee, LOVE AGAIN; you are not yet dead!!!

Only those who quit are losers.

I’m neither a shrink nor a preacher; I’m just a lady like you.

And please, my sister’s friend’s cousin’s brother’s aunt’s uncle’s son’s dog tore off the ‘F’ part of my dictionary, so I don’t know the meaning of Feminism, I just know when to stand up and say ‘No!’


·         Adeola Opeyemi Salau is a struggling writer, student and a very much confused artist.

Monday, July 23, 2012

7 Books, 21 Days…

After a hectic stay in school, coming home has really been much anticipated. I set out to read many books during this holiday. I never bothered informing many about it. They would simply throw if off as one boring venture. And indeed, if you are not the voracious reading kid, the venture could really be darn boring. I am working on reading 7 books within 21 days and doing reviews on all of them. To me, this is a tall tree to hurriedly mount. Looking at the fact that an in-depth review can certainly not be cursorily done within few hours, those will be quite a task. As I write this post, I am in the process already. It is past seven days and I am on the fourth book. Two of those four have been reviewed already and the third is about being written on. I still have 14 days down the calendar. There is the possibility that everything will work out just as planned. This is what I have been doing this period. Can you imagine the number of words I would read during this period? Whao!

So, I might really be boring this period. My siblings have not started complaining anyway, so I guess I still try to maintain some balances here and there. But soon, they will, as I go deeper into the heat of the reading. My reading could be that serious. I am not a passive reader you should know. I go into books with all the attention needed. I still attend to leisure and maintain my social circle anyway, though most are done virtually. Don’t call me a nerd now. There’s really no time to physically hang out with friends. You know there are still three more books to read before the holiday winds up.

Talking about hanging out online, there is this girl who has recently been cluttering my WhatsApp page. I should let her know; I am not in for flirting at this moment. She might be vexed and wander off.  That wouldn’t be a problem sha.  If I could get her attracted initially; I would do it again. A good quality about readers is that we just know how to do some marvelous things because we read-learn so many things. In between my 7-Books-21-Days reading, I have got Greene’s "Art of Seduction". I am almost memorizing this book. So when I am done with my 7 books-21 days project, getting her around again wouldn't be difficult. By that time, I would have become a better seducer. Oh.. oh.., I am not that bad. I am just a reader.

It is 21 days, 7 books. I should run off now. Phew… Where are those books!? “Fine Boys” come on the line! “City of Memories”, sit down there and stop hankering after those "Edible Bones"!  “The Whispering Trees”! Don’t break up with me, because the truth is; I am done with you! I am in a new relationship with “Bitter Leaf”!
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