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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Nigerian Men & Sizes

What African men and not only Nigerian men flaunt about is sizes in lieu of qualities and functions. Well, if you're in a rush to think my discussion does not hold grip because you consider it's a mere drivel, then wait to read some couples of lines/paragraphs before you walk out on this discussion. Almost everyone is a willing victim to this size-syndrome. My father's farm is bigger than yours; do you get where I'm driving at now? The only time a Nigerian man would place priority over quality than size is when the issue of money is involved. When he is facing financial constraint as regards getting the desired size he wants, he begins to give a tripartite lecture on the reason why small sizes with qualities rather pay off.

My going for a netbook/notebook when I wanted to buy a laptop was not a deliberate gesture. Every day, I would dream of having a laptop that I would readily show off to whoever wants to know that I have one. It was when I walked into the seller's shop one sultry afternoon with money in hand that I realized that the price of the laptop I wanted could buy a plot of land in my village. A hundred and something kini…? Abeg my parents no go hear that one, na die be that for me. I had to re-strategize and the re-thinking was what paved the way for my choice of a netbook. In spite of the truth that a netbook could be more operational-responsive and faster than some elephantine structured computer-like plastic gadgets, I still had to convince myself that was the better decision to be taken since the price the netbook was to be sold for halved the price of a bigger laptop. Poor me; pity me?

Umh…, you want to talk about the craze African men have for size? You only need to understand the reason why *chinko* phones was able to penetrate the Nigerian mobile phone market and almost threatened to uproot Nokia long standing years of quality phones. One thing I really do admire about the *chinko* phone manufacturers is that, unlike Nokia producer that boasts of operational-sophistication, they had to closely understudy the psyche of Nigerians before launching their products into the market. Their findings were worth it! Bigger and strange sizes than we have never come across in Nokia brand began flooding the market. Phones of two sims in a phone. A friend told me some times ago that we now have the ones of four sim cards… kai, China dey try, no be small. People thought I was just being a clown when I strongly opined that, with the sizes and hummer-listic structure of some *chinko* phones, if we place them on a well tarred road, especially express lanes, they would speed faster than some cars on the road would. Chei! You only need to know how big these models of *chinkos* were before you understand why I said they could run as cars too. Even blackberry is not curing the malaise any inch. I almost passed someone for a cripple, when he firmly held out his right hand holding a blackberry out in a stiff posture while he was riding a bike. It took me some reasoning and logics before I knew what he was trying to impress about. "My blackberry fine and dey costly, even though he no big; this is it in my hand, because you might not get to appreciate it if it is in my pocket."

Nigerian men's flair for sizes cannot be removed from the desire to get sexual attraction. As it is with animals, so is it with man. A research conducted to find out the object of sexual attraction of chimpanzee was able to identify their objection of sexual attraction in the things they most desire to have. Sometimes, inconsequential things that trigger the sexual hormones of their opposite sex. Though, I knew very soundly what a computer can be used for and the purpose of my wanting to have it clearly defined, I still was clouded in reasoning that only size-intimidating ones would get me the respect from the girls around. Especially those skimpy skirts of Bola and Tosin, who made cartoons of me when I was having only flash drive as a sole means of storing the files I had prepared on friends' numerous computers.  Any true Nigerian man will always feel inferior when his size is challenged. Size in cars, in house, in gadgets and even in that piece of flesh supported by the thighs (for so I heard that we now have pumpers for those whose things are too small. Don't be surprised numerous divorces are on that basis)

I was embarrassed when someone jeeringly asked the amount my netbook went for, while I knew what he wanted to say was if it was more expensive than his DVD player at home.  That man only need to know that I've just typed in more than nine hundred words on this post to know why my netbook shouldn't be as big as his DVD player before it is appreciated.

If you think this post is too short to be objective on this topic, you might be a sufferer of the size syndrome too. Don't rant jo… the better you could do to this post is tell us the readers why the size syndrome is…

Happier moment awaits me this week as I've just gotten some eclectic books from Lifestyle Store and Terra Kulture's library. Don't come borrowing any book from me o. For now, my library is on fire, don't touch it. File! It's a danger zone…

I'm out of here!


  1. Lol!!!! U have said it all. We nigerians r obsessed with size. Especially women.We r guilty. Wen we shop 4 jewelry, we go 4 d biggest and most xpensive bcos d gold jewelry set mama Bimbo wore to yesterday's party should not be bigger than my own oh!! wen we shop 4 weave it must be so long that it touches our Butt. After all evribodi should know dat pepper don shele n der is a new big girl in town. Honestly all these things are done to massage our EGOs. Wen we shop, eat, drink, everything must be xpensive. Unfortunately I am PARTIALLY guilty . But according to my coat sha! *wink wink*

  2. Thanks for giving the female situation of the issue. I'm a victim too, though I still try to discipline myself in areas when money is involved.
    Thanks for visiting and following the blog. Hope to always read your views (in comments)on issues here. Hope to see you around here soon...

  3. Thanks for the post. It's like five years of not being in Nigeria has finally made me out-dated for this to be news to me. The change is amazing. Great blog!

    call Nigeria

  4. Thanks Bradly Jones for visiting the blog. Hope the blog always sees you here? Thanks for reading and commenting. The blog will be glad to have you around here soon.

  5. Hey I just read your blog and it was pretty insightful to say the least.

    I was doing some research on the African mobile market and would love to ask you a few questions. If you have the time to spare please do email me. My email address is


  6. Thanks for dropping by, Mahir. I will get you contacted on that. I hope the blog sees you around soon.


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