You Will Lose Your Virginity Today

Today you will lose it. Everybody’s life depends on it, at least for those you know. A virtuous lady must be clean and unopened. You have always been told that. Just how a woman’s virtue must depend on the soft sticky flesh walling her inside is what you will never understand. And you will not. But today you must burst their bubbles. You must lose it. No! You will give it out, you wouldn’t lose it. To lose it, your virginity, is for it to be forcibly taken from you. Today, you must give it to him, because you love him, because he is worth it. He is your first love. For the times you have shared and the emotions bared with him, your virginity will be his reward. Soon, today, he will bang you hard until he goes all in. However, now, you are battling with mixed feelings. The very anticipation that you will climax and float as pleasures flush through you excites you. 

Notwithstanding, when you think of the brief pains, the trickle of blood and his sore first thrusts before your water oils his subsequent entries, you shiver, you bite your lower lip, fear rankles you on end. Today, you are sure, you must give it to him. You know this truth. Your virginity is no longer yours. And just like anything you have shared with him, you must that too. 

These days, you are wetter than it is expected of a virgin. Sometimes, in the bathroom, briefly, you brook yourself with your toothbrush. Only with the tip, so that you don't break through it. For that, you are shameful. You feel embarrassed afterwards. That only speaks of some inferiority, you tell yourself. That informs it that when he asks you allow him, you promise he will be your first man. He will make the first entry into you. You have waited so long for this, the day you will know the warmth feel of someone else in you. You so want to be opened through. Today it will be. You will lose your virginity.

Today, he calls you. He says he finally gets the condom. The news makes you joyous. You feel everything will sail through. You had agreed on a protected first-time. You fear pregnancy. He had come into your hands before, the initial time you almost had sex with him but soon stopped. You fear pregnancy; he fears a bleak future. You know how sticky his sperm is. It will shoot up your tummy in no time. Almost immediately after the news, you feel sad. Some seconds ago, you are joyous, now you are sad. Having ambivalent feelings has become a habit with you. You really cannot place your sudden emotional shift, why you are happy and then sad.

Condom will not do it. You finally place it. That is the reason for your sadness. It will not be different from the rubbery feel you get whenever you fuck yourself with your toothbrush, in the bath. You desire something natural. You want him. You want his pulsing energy in you, in flesh. Condom will make everything rubbery. So you text him. And you speak in fragmented thoughts, sending him six SMSes in a row:

“You.”

“Only.”

“Fuck.”

“Flesh.”

“Condom.”

“Hate.”

He understands what you mean. And he dashes. He does not show up at your place. You know he fears your intention. You are more desperate than he is. That will be your first time, not his. He’s more experienced. Your bed is ready. Nothing appears special though, unlike what those Western romantic soft porn movies make one believe. Your bed is just ordinarily laid; your duvet on the brown bedspread; two pillows at both sides of the 4^1/2 bed. You stay outside the campus. Today, you stab your evening lecture. He promises to come by 5pm, same time as your core course class. 

Tick…clock…sighs. He does not show up. 5:45pm. 

Wet…sweats…pants. He is still not there. 6:25pm. 

Teats…breasts…cunt. You can’t wait anymore. 7:05pm. 

Wetter…aroused…dick. You are frustrated. You buckle. 9:25pm

So, you move. Today, you will lose your virginity. He is not here. He is not with you. You will make him be. Today, he must be in you. You will make him.

You tear a piece of paper. You write his name on it. You unroll a tape. You rush into the bathroom. You grab your toothbrush. You wrap some tissue around the toothbrush. You follow with the paper, spirally around the toothbrush stick. You tape it. Today, he must be in you.

You shove the whole length of the toothbrush into you. You break your hymen. He just dis-virgins you. The toothbrush is labeled. His name is on it. Blow trickles out faster now. You give him your virginity. 

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