I
am typing this some days before June 17th. In few days’ time, once
again, it will be my birthday. And I will become retrospective. My mind will
wander on end about so many things. Once more, I may loathe ever growing older.
I have always hated this year counting thing called birthday. At a time, I made
sure I was always shaven to appear younger. But soon enough, that failed as a
disguise style. Growing old is a
demanding business. It makes you number your days on failing dreams and
surviving hopes.
Desires
Secret
desires come true. Those titchy yearnings called private wants decide our fate.
I had one and some lesser significant others last
year. They all came through. And the ground was almost giving off my feet.
I wasn’t prepared for them or basically not well ready for the bigger one that
turned out real. The heart matters. I am now being mindful of what I keep in
it. Call what the bible says about that cliché. It’s just so, because the truth
doesn’t change; out of the heart are the issues deciding your life. Overlook my
biblical paraphrase. I only speak what’s true. Desires.
Fears
Last
year gave me fears. Many things happened. If there was ever anything to be
grateful for, they were my fears. I am happy I had them. They pushed me
over-board. They had me fighting long enough not to fall. I am still fighting.
I am not spent. Fears are humanity precious gifts. Everyone has them. Most
times, we ignore their existence, and that’s the basis for our overcoming. My
fears.
Ignore
I
am beginning to take my mind off things. But how does one unlearn something to
learn a new thing? That’s the arduous task of convenient nonchalance. Some say
it is not bothering about so many issues. I think I should take to what they
say though. If I don’t, I may grow wrinkles on the temple soon. There are
traces already. I would rather say staying flexible soothes. This is not
escapism. The problems may still be there. A convenient negligence will allow
you think through them. Recently, I have been telling myself; I must live long,
worrying too hard is not just a way to go about it. Ignore.
Attached
---- --- -- -- -- --
I
still don’t understand this thing. Know there is now someone called N. Attached
to N. Positively attached.
Ropes
Let
all my aspirations and dreams fall under this heading. I totter on them. I fear
I might fall. Achieving them scares me sore. But I must. That’s the only way my
name will be remembered. I am not heroic. I only want a better life. Some of
these dreams may fail, others won’t. Nonetheless, every day, I must move on.
Ropes.
Wiches
That’s
not an error. I spelt what I meant. Insert a T and your world changes,
reenacting a typical Nolllywood flick. Wi(t)ches. As it is pronounced, I meant Wishes. I had one in 2011
and my system crashed. I had some last
year, my world changed (-/+). Be careful of what you wish for on your
birthday. Birthday-wishes legend is real. Today, I have another one. It’s in my
heart. I have only one wish.
Prayer
Lord,
let my one wish be real. Overlook my excesses. A born-sinner isn’t perfect.
